MAN TAKES WAGES HOME: More Pokies Needed

Sydney, Friday: The New South Wales government has expressed concern following the release of a second report by the Productivity Commission which shows that a majority of employed people still spend their pay on luxury items such as food and clothing for their family.

Today the Treasurer announced a poly to get tough on ‘gambling evasion’ schemes. Those who fail to gamble their fair share will be prosecuted by the taxation office. The government is considering new legislation which will require a certain percentage of employee’s wages to be paid directly into the pokie machine of their choice.

The scheme will be strictly means tested – employees who earn up to $20,000 will have 40 per cent of their income automatically deducted, with the deduction reduced on a sliding than $75,000 per year will not be subject to deductions.

The premier has come out in strong support for the scheme. ‘New South Wales is proud to lead the world in pokie concentration, but if people selfishly refuse to pay their gambling dues, then we will not be able to maintain our current level of services’. Community groups have described the premier’s policy plan as ‘a pile of craps’.

Gay Scientists Isolate Christian Gene

Sydney, Friday: Gay scientists today released a study which, they claim at last identifies the “Christian Gene”. The controversial research may end the long running debate about the cause of Christianity.

“Our research suggests that Christian may not actually be able to help themselves,” said one scientist. The theory casts doubt on the tradition belief that Christianity can be on a child’s upbringing. The parents of one Christian have welcomed the news with relief. “We always worried that if we’d done something different we could have stopped our child from becoming a Christian before it was too late”.

But converting the research into a commercial cure may take years. The wait leaves many families frustrated. “We have sent our children to camps to cure them, but no matter how many times we play them Pet Shop Boys songs, they just come back talking about Jesus,” said one gay parent.

Part of the delay occurred because the scientists need approval from ethics boards to further their study. “Obviously there are those who’ll say genetic modification is just playing God,” said one researcher, “but now we can at least cure them of their belief.”

Disclaimer

These articles are taken directly from “50 Golden Years of The Chaser”. I in no way claim ownership of this article, nor do i claim any role in its creation.